with insight from seasoned professionals, all part of Vermont Birth Network

In our last post, we talked about the logistics of the holiday season — feeding, sleep, travel, and overstimulation. Now, we’re shifting gears to the emotional side of things (aka the part that doesn’t fit neatly into a diaper bag).

The first holiday season with a baby can stir up a mix of joy, pressure, and overwhelm. You’re learning your baby’s rhythms, adjusting to new family roles, and navigating expectations — both your own and everyone else’s.

We asked Vermont Birth Network professionals who specialize in perinatal mental health and postpartum care to share their insights on protecting your peace, setting boundaries, and finding calm in the midst of it all.

Setting and Communicating Boundaries

“Boundaries, especially around the holidays, are one of the most important things I work on with new parents,” says Kimberleigh Weiss-Lewit, perinatal mental health therapist and lactation consultant.

“Becoming a parent is often the first time people realize they need to set, shift, and hold firm boundaries with family and friends to meet both their needs and their baby’s needs,” she explains.

For many, that can feel uncomfortable. “It’s normal to worry about hurting others’ feelings,” Kimberleigh says. “But parents have a right to care for themselves and their little ones without needing permission to do so. Healthy boundaries allow you to enjoy the parts of the holidays that feel important — without draining your physical and emotional reserves.”

Kimberleigh suggests being specific about your limits. Instead of vague plans like “We’ll see how long we stay,” try communicating a clear window of time: “We’d love to come for Christmas Eve brunch from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.”

Setting clear start and end times helps family members plan — and protects your baby’s (and your) rest time.

Lisa Kerns, BS, IBCLC, RLC of Promise Lactation Consulting, adds “if you have deal breakers — like ‘no one is going to hold the baby yet’ — tell the group ahead of time.” Everyone is more likely to be understanding if they know beforehand what to expect.

Asking for Support (and Letting Others Help)

Lisa suggests empowering family members with ways to help, such as making a plate of food for a parent holding a baby. Supporting you “brings them a sense of pride and involvement. You might even knight one family member to be your advocate — a great role for grandma!”

This way you can meet your baby’s needs while inviting family to participate in ways that feel supportive instead of stressful.

Supporting Each Other as Partners

For many couples, the holidays bring up different expectations — especially if each partner grew up with unique traditions or family dynamics.

Before the season begins, take a few minutes to talk through what’s most important to each of you.

What do you want your baby’s first holidays to feel like?
Which commitments feel joyful — and which feel like too much?
How can you support each other if one of you needs a break during gatherings?

You’re both adjusting to new roles and routines. Remember: you’re on the same team. A short, honest check-in before events can prevent miscommunication later.

Grounding Practices for Stressful Moments

Even happy gatherings can feel overstimulating when you’re running on little sleep. A few grounding practices can help you reset and reconnect with yourself:

• Take three slow, deep breaths, making your exhale longer than your inhale.
• Step outside for a minute of fresh air and natural light
• Offer to run an errand to take on a task that gets you into your body and out of your head

Sometimes a single deep breath or brief walk to the porch is enough to reset your nervous system.

*Talking a moment for yourself (and your dog) and getting fresh air can help keep the calm.*

Letting Go of “Perfect”

Social media might make it seem like everyone else is pulling off matching pajamas and flawless family photos — but real life with a newborn is rarely tidy, and that’s normal.

“Keep expectations low!” says Lisa.

There may be another year where you can do a full walking tour of the holiday lights in town, but maybe this year you just drive by a few. Maybe you’d love to bake all your favorite cookies, but this year a single batch is enough. There’s plenty of time to create holiday traditions — you don’t have to start them all in year one.

This is your permission slip to re-evaluate and do what works for your family this year. The holidays don’t have to look perfect to be meaningful.

Finding Community and Connection

The first year with a baby can feel both full and isolating — especially during the holidays. Remember, you’re not meant to do it all alone.

Community care — whether it’s a postpartum doula, therapist, lactation consultant, or a friend who brings soup — lightens the load and helps you stay centered.

Here in Vermont, you’re surrounded by professionals who understand what this season can bring. Explore the Vermont Birth Network Directory to find local experts who can support your family’s emotional and physical wellbeing through the holidays and beyond.