Why Intentions Matter More Than Goals — Especially for Parents

written by Vermont Birth Network Founding Director, Emily Piazza

The New Year has a way of making us question ourselves.

Even before we’ve finished off the last of the holiday treats, put away the new toys, or shuttled older kids back to school, we’re asked to answer familiar — and often loaded — questions: What are your goals? What are you changing? Who are you becoming this year?

And some years, those questions don’t feel inspiring. They feel heavy.

Many New Year’s resolutions are built on the assumption that we just need more discipline, better systems, or stronger willpower.

Walk three times a week. Cook at home five nights a week. Eat less sugar. Stick to the plan!

As a registered dietitian of more than 16 years, I’ve supported countless people through behavior and lifestyle change. Tools like SMART goals, habit stacking, and accountability apps can be helpful — but they are not universally effective. They often fail to account for real-life factors like changing bodies, the unpredictable schedules of caregiving, mental health, or sheer exhaustion.

When these tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves instead of questioning whether they actually fit the season we’re in.

I’ve been in that place myself, and I’ve seen it often in my work with new parents. Because of that, I approach the New Year a bit differently. And just to be clear — what follows isn’t a prescription. It’s a reflection shaped by lived and professional experience, and an invitation to explore a gentler way forward, if it resonates with you.

January Isn’t a Reset Button

Our culture treats January 1st like a clean slate. This reminds me of diet culture’s “starting fresh on Monday” mentality: swinging between extremes, waiting for the right day to begin again. That cycle often creates more stress, guilt, and burnout — not lasting change.

Life doesn’t actually work that way. Nothing truly resets on January 1. Life simply continues.

What if, instead of treating January as a deadline, we treated it as a checkpoint? We can use the New Year as a moment to notice where we are — and where we’d like to go — without pressure to overhaul everything.

Reflection Instead of Resolution

In December 2020, I started a practice I’ve returned to each year since: reflection. That year was marked by lockdowns, remote preschool, three kids under five, no childcare, intense stress, and a mental health reckoning.

This practice grounded me and helped me see how much I had grown, even in a season that felt overwhelming. I’ve continued it ever since as a way to enter the New Year feeling steadier and more rooted.

Each December, I look back with questions like:

What surprised me this year?
What am I proud of?
How have I grown or changed?
What was hard — and how did I get through it?
Who supported me?

And I look ahead with curiosity:

What do I want more of?
What do I want to let go of?
Who do I want to be surrounded by?
How do I want to care for myself?
What am I looking forward to?

This practice reminds me how much I have accomplished and helps me identify what truly matters moving forward.

*Take the time to reflect and look forward with curiosity.*

Intentions Over Goals

Of course, I still have things I want to check off a list — I’m human! But instead of starting with a long to-do list, I now begin with a different question: how do I want to feel?

When we lead with intentions rather than goals, we create room for real life.

For example, instead of:

“I will do yoga twice a week,”

My intention might be:

“I want to feel strong, and making time and space for movement two to three mornings a week allows me to do that.”

That movement might be yoga, but it could also be stretching, a walk, strength training, gardening, or housework depending on my energy, my body, and the weather.

When I set strict goals like “yoga twice a week,” I often felt frustrated. Some days I simply wasn’t in the mood for yoga, or I realized certain formats didn’t actually work for me — and suddenly I felt like I had failed because I didn’t “check the box.”

But when I focused on the intention of moving my body, I was far more likely to follow through. Life is unpredictable (especially with young kids!) and intentions allow for that.

Intentions that center how we want to feel tend to support us far longer than rigid goals about what we think we should do.

*When crabs grow they must shed their hard shell and are incredibly vulnerable during this time.*

A Special Note for New Parents & New Year’s Intentions

As a dietitian and a doula, I have the privilege of witnessing the profound changes new parents experience through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. This season of life is deeply transformative — and even when we expect change, it often exceeds what we imagined.

It’s easy to use the New Year as a time to think about “getting back to” our old selves: our former bodies, routines, or identities. But that’s not a helpful goal.

Embracing who we are now is essential to growing in this season. That doesn’t mean we can’t reconnect with familiar parts of ourselves, but it does mean accepting you are forever changed.

This version of you has new needs, new limits, and new wisdom. It deserves compassion — not correction.

Glennon Doyle uses the image of a crab molting on her podcast We Can Do Hard Things, and I often share it with new parents. To grow, a crab must shed its hard outer shell. During that time, it is soft, vulnerable, and exposed. It often hides and rests until its new shell hardens.

Human transformation works much the same way.

The work is not to force ourselves back into something that no longer fits, but to gently learn how to live in our new skin.

A Gentle Invitation

This year, I invite you to join me in choosing intentions over goals. Start with how you want to feel, and let the “doing” evolve from there.

And, if you’re in a season of immense change, allow yourself the time and tenderness it takes to learn your new self.

Wherever you are, however you enter this year — you’re allowed to arrive softly.

If you’re looking for support this year, Vermont Birth Network is here! Our directory includes a wide range of local professionals who can help support your intentions in this season of your life.